2013 started out really tough. I was very depressed about Collette’s death, and was just not coping. I was so alone and just so sad. I just wanted to call her, and regretted so much all the
times I did not when I could have. In March, I decided to try pharmaceuticals. They helped when mom died, but this time they flattened me out too much– I didn’t feel anything, and was kind of a zombie. So by June I quit taking them, and I just went back to being sad. It didn’t help that Kip was mysteriously lame, and the lack of exercise was making him an asshole. He didn’t come back until late June. When I look back at the first half of this year, it is just a black, fuzzy smear.
Kip finally did become sound, and we had a very uneven show season, but did successfully complete our first Novice at Pole Star. And Pony Club Camp was great, even though he was still somewhat in his asshole phase. The summer saw some shows, and I finally got a horse trailer, so next year I will be fully mobile. But he did kick out in it one of the first times I hauled him, and ended up with seven stitches and twenty staples in his left hind.
I have always loved fall and early winter, but I was dreading the holidays this year. Without Mom and Colette, it all seemed so pointless. But miraculously, this year, there have been a ton of holiday parties and family gatherings – Thanksgiving at my house was pretty much a success in that everyone was fed, and the food was pretty good. I loved having my family over to my house, and need to make sure it happens more often.
Then Daddy got married to a wonderful lady named Barbara, and I look forward to getting to know her. She has been incredibly emotionally intelligent about navigating our family, and I appreciate that so much.
My dear Laura visited from Boston, and I got to spend an evening with her, and Scott’s brother Rick came in from Austin and we got to spend a couple evenings with him, too.
And Dan and Lisa’s holiday party was so much fun, we got to meed an old friend’s new wife, and meet a bunch of new smart people. There was also dancing and a sing-a-long. Then of course, The Christmas Party — which is becoming the center of my holiday season. Of course I cried during Silent Night. I believe this year’s party was the most wonderful, warm, lovely time I have had for a very long time. We got to share it with Dan and Lisa, and they were a big hit and fit right in – Lisa started a dance party in the living room, and made everyone tell how they met their SO – I got to laugh, and spend time with so many fantastically smart and funny people, and I love each and every one of them. Seriously, this year’s party was epic. I just love Jay. He is really such a great friend, to bring us all together every year.
Christmas day was spent at Lacey and Jeremy’s house, and dinner was exceptionally delicious.
Somewhere in all that whirlwind, I realized I was no longer depressed. I think it was because I was able to see how much I am loved.
Anyway, I am not going to make any resolutions this year, except to try to do my very best.